To you…at 13 weeks

Dear Peanut,

This is the first time I’ve written to you because now that we’re finally sharing the news I think the reality that we’re having a baby if finally starting to sink in!

And to be honest, I’ve been really, really sick since the day we found out I was pregnant which has kept me from doing much of anything except existing.

We learned of your existence very early – at just about four weeks to be exact. In hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming because just like your sister, you made your presence known early on. I was feeling sick all weekend but still didn’t put it all together until Monday morning. I came across an old pregnancy test and decided to take it just to “rule out” pregnancy. Sure enough, we learned that there was nothing to rule out. We were in fact, very pregnant! My timing in taking the test was less than ideal because no sooner did we read the results than we had to turn around and head off to work. But that whole day your dad and I exchanged text messages sharing our shock and awe that we were having another baby in just nine short months!

So far, this pregnancy has been very different from your sister’s but in many ways the same. I’m as exhausted as ever which is exactly how I felt for the first three months last time around. Getting through a full work day takes everything I’ve got and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve snuck in a nap or two at lunch these past few months.

Unlike my first pregnancy, I’ve been sick and not in the traditional “morning sickness” sort of way that I expected. Instead of feeling nauseous all the time I just can’t eat. Anything. In fact, sometimes an entire day goes by and I climb into bed realizing that all I’ve consumed is a handful of cheese and crackers and a couple of scoops of trail mix. I feel horrible for your father because he tries so hard to cook me meals and all I can do is package them up and assure him I’ll eat them for lunch the following day.

I’ve also been really emotional. In fact, my mood swings are out of control and I feel bad for your dad because he’s suffering the most. Sometimes I want to crawl out of my own skin. I just hate feeling so irritated when I have absolutely nothing in the world to complain about.

But there’s an end in sight. I’m starting to feel a little better everyday. My appetite is slowly returning and I’ve actually gone an entire week without a nap. This is a huge win. As for the emotional roller coaster I’m on, let’s just hope that ends sooner rather than later!

Other than that, things are progressing along nicely. We really like our new doctor and feel confident that we’re in good hands for this journey. We’ve seen your picture twice already and even more exciting my Panorama screening test and genetic carrier test both came back totally normal which means all your little chromosomes are in good order and exactly how they should be. That was a huge relief.

I did forget how much worrying is associated with pregnancy. All of the unknowns and test taking followed by a week of nail-biting while we await the results. In my memory, pregnancy was all about yoga, meditation, cute maternity clothes, and baby kicks at the most unexpected times. I’m realizing now that all those moments wouldn’t be nearly as sweet without a little anxiety sprinkled in between.

Your sister is getting very excited for your arrival. I don’t know how much she truly understands but she talks about “Baby Brother/Baby Sister” all the time and kisses my belly at every chance she gets. We won’t get into too much detail about how life is going to change until much closer to November but for now, it’s reassuring to know that she isn’t totally rejecting the “concept” of a baby living in our house!

We already love you so much. Just like Savannah, now that you’re a reality, we can’t remember what our life was like before you were in it. We’re going to have so much fun and you are going to be so adored.

Keep growing bigger, stronger and healthier everyday. And I promise, I’ll start eating again to help you on your way!

Loving you,

Your mama

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